Intuition

You proudly announce that you have PTSD 

Like you are unique

You speak of your trauma

Like you don’t know that everybody has trauma

How could anyone get through life and avoid it?

I can’t get through one day without heaps of rapid-fire trauma

My heart in a blender, I watch in horror as you amp up the power

I tiptoe around your invisible trigger wires

Dodging bullets from your shotgun mouth

You blame it on your trauma

I don’t blame your trauma for your unaccountability- I blame your unaccountability

I find gratitude for the trauma you load on me cruelly 

As I once again act out the part of the one who loves more completely

I weep in private, praying for boundaries

I paid tuition instead of listening to my intuition

I turned away from dedicating my life to the Earth

To help human beings that treat me passive-aggressively and aggressively

Time after time, I respond with patience, calm, understanding, forgiveness

Day after day, I deny myself sunshine, fresh air, nourishment, rest, freedom

Imprisoned in a hospital, chained to my pager

It is easy for me to be the adult in the room because I never had a childhood

I wonder if you see me as somehow trauma-free when you melt down in a tantrum before my unflinching eyes, shouting and swearing at me, citing your mental illness as the reason why

I have no more reactions to give, my nervous system long ago burnt to a crisp

Perhaps you don’t suspect that I am so traumatized that I’ve come full circle, with painstaking sacred transformation and knowledge of the dark side of the moon

Everyone is fighting a battle, however some boast of their struggles loudly 

Maybe I’m just like you, thinking that my suffering is unique- and that is why I feel irritated by you

Or maybe I am not like you because I don’t speak of my suffering and am envious of your ability to let others know that you are wounded and hurting

Or maybe it is simply difficult to stay sane in an insane environment

When will our society stop neglecting women and children instead of turning a blind eye and then pouring limitless expenses on them after the damage is done

When will we prioritize giving over taking

For the moment, you and I are held within the painfully flawed system

I bid you good day, namaste