Rain Dance

I see gray sky outside my window
Heavy on my eyes and in my heart
I want to stay hidden away
Don’t want to get rained on today
Stubbornly, the world outside waits for me

I can’t stay inside forever
I can’t avoid the ever-changing weather
After futile resistance, I accept that I will get wet
As I have countless times before, even when I felt like I was drowning, I will have nothing else to do but breathe through it
Until I breathe myself dry

There are tears yet to cry
I will get wet again
And it is ok to get wet
It is ok to remind myself that it is ok to get wet
Water is life

Every day I am thrown into the river
Swirled and tumbled against rocks
Yet I survive
And come out of it better yet

Afraid as I am of getting wet, I’ve gotten wet many times before,
Downright drenched
Soaked to the bone and far from home
Yet I was all right
I’ve made it through even the stormiest of nights
Inside me burns an eternal light
I have nothing to fear
The rain of life only brings personal transformation near
I am grateful for inner growth, painful as it can be
I am grateful for the rich soil beneath me
Formed from the detritus of my life’s trauma
From which I burst forth, a green herb
Holding infinite potential
I am earth and rain and sunlight transformed
I am young and sweet and nourishing
I am life

I see the gray clouds outside my window
And know that beyond them, the sun is shining through the brilliant blue
I see the gray day
And rise to meet it
Welcoming all that comes my way
So go ahead, rain down on me
I can handle even hail, snow and sleet
I’m keeping the faith
For my mind is learning all the time
That I can dance anywhere
Today my dance beckons the heavy clouds
Let it rain

Fleeting

Where do ideas come from?
When I get inspired it feels like an itch
Irresistible to scratch but if I don’t promptly act…

Where do ideas go?
Sometimes I get a flash of what appear to be                                                                 profound, brilliant, and wildly creative thoughts                                                                       Just as quickly,  they vanish into thin air
Faster than ice evaporates on a hot day                                                                                 Before I can write them down, they’ve already gone on their way

My brain is beaten down by sleep deprivation and stress
So it makes sense
That it would hold thoughts
As efficiently as a sieve holds water

Still I wonder
Where do ideas come from,
And where do they go?
As they disappear through the door of my conscious mind,
I want to say to them, ‘Thank you, come again’

Love and Ice Cream

Love and ice cream
Are my slippery slopes,
My legal dope
I use them in plain sight
To abuse my body day and night

Too many years
I’ve caught myself in the cycle
Of getting high every time I start to withdraw;
I let into my life another bowl,
another boo, even worse than the one before
The novelty wore off long ago
And I’ve seen the pattern;
I know where it is gonna go
It always ends in regret

Today I was hot and thirsty
For that cool creamy sweet treat
With chocolate chunks for me to eat
It was on sale and high in quality
So I loaded up my shopping cart,
imagining the pleasure awaiting me

Then I remembered
How bad I always feel afterward
How out of control, how unwise
I’ve given in to temptation too many times
And paid too heavy a price

So I put the four pints back on the shelf
Let them go home with somebody else
Victory was mine at last
At least for today

Then I got home and considered writing to an ex
An ex who is still sort of a friend                                                                                                             I love them dearly
But slow down, it’s a dangerous bend
They treated me unhealthily
Why would I expect anything different this time?

Feeding my addiction
Would bring me a quick, cheap high
Although I desire them so
Like ice cream on a hot summer’s day
If I over-indulged, the disappointment in myself
Would be here to stay

I’m only human
I have to eat and to love
But knowing how easily
I fall hard where others only stumble
It is worth it for me to mindfully look where I’m walking on the rocky road
So that I can stand tall when it rumbles

Happiness Practice

There are lots of people in the world
And the kindest people I’ve met by far
Have been the humble

With our young hearts open wide
We went out into the night
Seeking adventure

Eyes shining in the moonlight
We easily saw delight
In all we found there

We hitchhiked across the countryside
And how we arrived
Only we know

It was once in a lifetime
Just like every moment
Even this one

I am fortunate to be inspired
To sing when my unknown desires
Fulfill to overflowing

If I didn’t feel the bliss in my palm
I’d miss it all without knowing

Sometimes my life has been all right
The best way to get through the night
Is to remain calm

Easier said than done
It is a practice
I practice all day long

The only time and place for happiness
Is here and now,
Respectively

Floating in the eye of the storm
I feel that I was born
To find this peace

The tapestry of my life
Though woven of hardship and strife
Adds up to a picture of great beauty

Because right here and now
Finally I feel
Happy, healthy and free

This is my humble wish
For all, big and small
Far and near to me

 

Sunsets

The most beautiful sunsets
Are the ones I haven’t seen

The only perfect lovers
Are the ones I’ve yet to uncover

My highest self levitates
Just out of reach

I look and listen
Grateful for what my highest self
Has to teach

I learn that
The sunsets I’ve been privileged to see
And the lovers I’ve held close to me
Are both plenty and plenty pretty

What I can feel
Is what’s real
Though my imagination is vivid
Life is for living
And hands are for giving

My hands offer up
This humble poem today
Namaste

The News Today

I lose control of my body and mind all the time
Crippling anxiety wrings out the best of me
Then hangs out to dry the rest of me
Everyday I wish I was free
I’m tired of getting robbed by my own physiology
It steals inner peace from me
I always gain it back, eventually

But my inner struggles seem so small
When I think about building walls
It makes my blood boil and my skin crawl
To witness these inhumane times, y’all

Mental walls only make us smaller
When we should be growing taller
To rise above our perceived differences and unite in love
We share a universal need for love                                                                                                  That makes me sound like a hippie but you know it’s true                                                         The need for love is supported by science, too

Separating families is beyond insane
Can you imagine their pain?
It makes me feel untamed
With thoughts of ripping off fake manes
To chill out certain people’s brains

I normally don’t pay much attention to the outside world
Because inside me is a tangled twirl                                                                                              That is already enough for me to try to make sense of
I usually feel like I’m floating a couple feet off the ground                                                           But today’s news dragged me back down                                                                                           To the here and now                                                                                                                          What we have going on
Is ice-inducing rivers of tears that will cause                                                                              Floods of sorrow for many years

I do not understand
Why those in power hurt other people just because they can                                                 Commit crimes without repercussion                                                                                                We know who the real criminals are, there’s no discussion

Could hell be worse than the news today?                                                                                           Could heaven be further than a butterfly’s wing-beat away?
I’m not one to pray, but I’m praying

I pray for safety, health, happiness and freedom for all
I pray for the end of divisive walls                                                                                                 Walls of the mind lead to walls in space and time                                                                       Unconscionable walls without consciousness

I pray for consciousness to strike like lightning in the night                                                             So that those who abuse others will see the light                                                                            And the daily news
Will cease to be tragic enough to give a girl the blues                                                                   Until then, I’ll keep praying

I pray for all the unseen young little you’s:
Even though your family was ripped apart,                                                                                     Your heart is broken and the distance is far,                                                                              Please know that your parents love you                                                                                      There is no way to correct the wrong done unto you                                                                     No way to un-do the trauma
But your parents still love you                                                                                                            Can we print that in today’s news? Breaking headline: ‘Your Parents Still Love You’                                                     What these children are going through                                                                                          Will take a lifetime of healing                                                                                                        Which is why today I’m kneeling                                                                                                Praying for peace
Which is how I regain my own inner peace                                                                                        If only for a moment

Enough Already

Enough Already

Practically speaking,
I’m not too keen on the idea of bringing another life into this world
I feel rather inconvenienced by my own life, you see
And don’t want to impose that cumbersome bother onto someone else

I haven’t had a very pleasant time at this living thing,
Having spent most of my life tightly wedged between crippling anxiety and suffocating depression, both untreated and hidden just below the surface of my seemingly functional exterior
I try to live to the best of my abilities,
But I’m not sure that everyone else tries to live to the best of theirs

There is so much suffering inflicted on ourselves by ourselves, fellow humans
I don’t know about you, but I’ve experienced more than enough of the stuff
Through long years of fear
Between bouts of violence, rape, exploitation and abuse

Far be it from me to add to the mess by producing another person who would inevitably both be hurt and hurt others during their lifetime
They would feel so much pain, rage and shame
Why not skip the whole thing?

How would I find the time or the energy to make a baby?
How would I pay for my baby’s needs, when I can barely afford my own minimal living expenses?
How could I teach a baby to live well, when I fumble so crudely with the art?

Though babies are cute
And sacred as can be
Each baby is a blank slate of unadulterated potential
That quickly gets covered in other people’s graffiti

Babies grow up and learn qualities such as greed, jealousy, selfishness and dishonesty
Adults have been known to destroy uncounted lives in the pursuit of their own insatiable appetites
Just look at the news today
It seems that those who live selfishly are both numerous and vastly destructive

This world was never safe, but it has grown particularly savage lately
Our Earth is not fit to raise a child in
Where is the clean air, clean water, clean soil?
Where is there a place without oppression and senseless violence?

To my inner harm-doer, and to yours, I humbly suggest:

The next time you feel overwhelmed by desire,
Sit still, unclench your body and your mind, breathe deep
Relax into the sensation of unrest and let it go
Feel supported by life
Comfort your own inner baby
And stop the chain of pain
Enough already