Transformative Prose
Born into this life, we are light wrapped in sinew and skin.
We’re given 5 liters of blood and a breath of oxygen.
Labels are soon affixed to our tender human egos like our gender and race.
Yet our spirit remains nameless, existing beyond the limits of time and space.
Beings of pure energy physically embodied, we are lighting in a bottle.
If I ever have children (if my body can forgive me for a lifetime of multifaceted abuse), I hope to give them a more robust and diverse repertoire of coping skills than the ones my parents left me
Instead of beginning and ending with cheap alcoholism and angst, I hope that my children draw from a complete rainbow of abilities
Mindfulness and movement; may they know the sweet depths of meditation, may they return to the present moment through gentle awareness again and again, and may they bathe in the ecstasy of a daily movement practice such as yoga, qi gong, tai chi, or wild freestyle dance, may they know that peace is always a breath away.
Contact with nature: may they be blessed with the sight of many sunrises and sunsets, may the sky fill their eyes and their lungs; may they have nature in their hearts and in their homes and may they submerge themselves in forests for sanctuary.
Interconnectedness: may my children know that they are loved unconditionally; may they connect with loved ones regularly, may they feel safe and supported in this world. May they draw on ancient wisdom and allow space for new realizations. May they feel both one in a million and a million in one.
Humility: may my children not overburden themselves with pressure; with realistic expectations may they wander more easily through life, may they balance unhelpful thoughts with helpful thoughts, may they rise up for an eagle’s eye view from time to time, especially during trying times.
We are all children at our core. May we know all of these blessings and more.
I used to run with the boys
I was determined to prove that I had the biggest balls, that I could withstand it all
Until I couldn’t stand how near death my own ego brought me
When men bought me
I thought I was clawing my way out of poverty
But no amount of money can undo the trauma I endured
All I can do is rewire my brain
Write my story to have a happy ending
Starting with a happy now
I outran the boys and became a rich man so that I didn’t have to marry a rich man
Now I am happily married to the man of my dreams
I don’t ruffle my feathers over the penis-size competition at work- the self-stroking of egos which is habitual amongst my male colleagues
Though I am attracted to women, I’ve never had a penis
I’m ok with that- at least I’ve never raped anyone, never left anyone stressed about what they couldn’t see- STIs and pregnancy
I am happy now, as happy as can be after one has endured the smattering of battering my childhood gave me
I continued the chain of abuse on myself into adulthood, not realizing my own role in the game, not seeing how I invited abusers into my life
I’m getting off this trauma-train; I jump off the caboose, let it ride away without me
Next to the tracks, nestled in the woods, I am happy now
I’ve had many mantras during my life
I am
Om shanti
So hum
In, out
Breathe, relax
Be Peace
Gentle flow
Here and now
I am safe
I am loved
Let go
Just be
Enough
Unclench
Amor y paz
Etc etc
The latest, born of caregiver burnout:
Stop giving me things to do
I want to take care of me and not you
Though I still stack up requests like a pile of dirty dishes
And wash each one because I grant wishes
I’m beginning to learn that my deepest magic
Lies in my ability to fulfill my own dreams
Replenishing myself with source
Giving to sustain and nurture myself
My outward giving grows infinitely
I’ve got that medusa head
Curls on curls, in your bed
Don’t look into my eyes, I’ll turn you to stone
Then you won’t hear me calling on your phone
I don’t mean to be venomous
It’s just how I am I guess
When the radio asks for a donation, I change the station
My cogitation gets agitated, dancing between play and work, dinner and dessert
I try to chop off the head of an anxious thought, for naught-
More troubled rumination sprouts from the wound
I pray inner peace will resurface soon
Always a breath away
The angry monkey on my back
Your rage strikes my heart like a lightning bolt
You are safe
You are loved
You are supported
From below and above
You are the love you seek
You are the other cheek
May every breath remind you
That you are blessed in all you do
Let every moment be a song from your heart
I have good reason
To feel over-worked and under-paid
Burnt out, with a need to get laid
But good loving is hard to come by
I also have many reasons
To feel hopeful, joyful, grateful
Even satisfied
I’m not gonna lie
I’ve got a flame of desire between my thighs
That you light up with your eyes
Every time I see you, I re-realize
That life is only right here, right now
All we ever have is the present
For the divine gift of your presence, I thank you
Who could ever win the tug-of-war
Between past regrets and future worries?
It is hard to shake off the trauma that clings to me
I try to slip under it, but trauma’s tentacles are tenacious and latch onto me
But I know a secret trick
Without my ego, trauma has nothing to latch onto
I have acquired immunity
I shrink my ego enough to escape trauma’s grasp, float downstream and buoyantly resurface, safely out of reach
When I return from my latest circumnavigation of space-time
And redirect my awareness back to
where I am in this moment
what is happening in this moment
how I feel in this moment
I feel victorious!
Practicing presence is the only way
To be happy, healthy, and free
I wish such peace to thee
Sage Burner Poetry 