Little Miss Fearful

Once upon a time there was a little girl who felt smaller than she was because she was afraid of everybody.

She was so afraid that she could not bring herself to even speak of her fear, not to anyone.

Yet she pushed through, and got through life even though fear never left her.

By and by, she learned that fear was there to protect her.

She transformed her fear into courage as she confronted many obstacles.

What was once her handicap became her superpower.

Fear gave her energy to overcome challenges.

Little Miss Fearful became Little Miss Brave.

Mi Hija

My daughter

I don’t want you to suffer as much as I have suffered

I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I made

There will come times that you will feel afraid, exhausted, irate or heartbroken

Though your heart may break, you are unbreakable

Human flesh is soft but your spirit is strong, stronger than you know in this moment

There will come times that you will be tested and you will challenge yourself

There will be times that you will have to forgive

Set yourself free from loathing

To love is to live

Don’t work too much

Allow time for yourself and those important to you

Mi hija

I loved you before you were born, and I will love you even after I die

I want you to live deeply, to know true love and friendship

I want you to feel safe and supported by life

You can accomplish what you set out to do

This is especially true because you are mi hija

I know well that you will suffer because of this life I gave you

You will feel pain, bleed, and at times perhaps wish that I hadn’t brought you into this world

Forgive me, mi hija

This Earth is so beautiful, I wanted to share it with you

In attempting to create a happy childhood for you, I wanted to correct the wrongs committed by my parents

I want to impart on the future what I learned from the past

I want to break the pattern of intergenerational trauma, to heal my heart and our family with the love I pour into you

Life is not easy, mi hija, but I hope you will find it is worth the struggle

I’ve loved you since before you came into my life, and I will love you long after I am gone from yours

I’ve been writing these words with my life for you, in hopes that the mistakes I’ve made will prevent unnecessary suffering in your life.

If our foremothers could have left us a message, I wonder if it would have sounded like this.

I’ve been waiting so long just to meet you, with too much patience and self-sacrifice.

Any attempt to put into words what I feel for you will fall short, but I must try anyway.

Even when it seems that your efforts are in vain, do the right thing anyway

The right thing is that which brings you peace inside

That inner stillness can be difficult to notice when life gets loud and the noisy justifications of the mind drown out the truth of the heart

The happiest people I know listen closely to that quietness and follow their bliss, which aligns with love

It takes practice and I am still learning

I hope you learn it too, so that your life is rich with joy

I want you to live deeply, to know that no matter what you dedicate your time to, you can find meaning in it

I want you to know true love and friendship, to know that life supports you and wants you to flourish

You can accomplish whatever you set out to do

In your life you will feel pain, fear, anxiety, disappointment, exhaustion, frustrated, irate, sad, humiliated and heartbroken. Life is inseparable from suffering; it is part of the gift.

Forgive me for those times, there is no forcefield of love I can put around you to protect you

Though your heart may break, you are unbreakable

Your human body is soft but your spirit is strong, stronger than you know.

Every moment is a gift, what you choose to do with that gift is up to you, beginning with your thoughts

If you think that you are never wrong, you are wrong

Don’t believe everything you think

If you are guessing what other people might be thinking, odds are you are far from accurate

If you find your mind worrying, let the worry go

Worrying robs peace from the present, and we can never get that moment back

Worry stems from fear- what are you afraid of? You are loved and worthy, little one.

Think before you speak

Never say anything about anyway, including yourself, that you would not want the whole world to hear

May you live your life in such a way that you have nothing to hide

I want you to be so grateful for your life that you forget to complain

May you use intention when deciding where to shine your attention

There will be times that you will have to forgive yourself and others to free yourself from resentment and move on to enjoy life to the fullest

To love is to live and human relationships will teach you have to love more completely, which isn’t always easy, but it helps you grow that you may live more completely

Don’t expect any one person to satisfy all your needs, nor expect yourself to satisfy the needs of any one person

Don’t work too much, allow time to honor yourself and the people you love

We may not have met yet, but I have a feeling you will have a great ability to love, forgive, learn, create

What you may not know is how much you will be able to do what you are afraid to do, to speak even when your voice shakes

Don’t let anyone steal your spirit

Not everything is known and you don’t have to know all that is known

Whenever you are not sure what to do, take a deep breath and remember that there is enough air for you to breathe, enough earth to hold and nourish you, enough time for you to live and enough space for you to run, dance and explore this world

I know you love adventure, but before you venture out ask yourself what you would want your daughter to do?

Do not compromise your safety to save a few minutes or a few dollars

The sooner you deflate your ego to a healthy size, the easier you will fit through doorways

Don’t believe any label others try to put on you

Life is too precious to spend time acting surprised that humans make mistakes, the value in it is to keep improving, learning, growing

Empathy and compassion are always possible

To take care of your body, treat it as if today is the only day you will have to honor it. This will lead to many days of beaming health.

You life is a story you write and I hope you have many fulfilling experiences to remember

I want you to know that you are loved your whole life through

Keep on shining

Dragon Warrior

I am the dragon warrior

I use the energy from my fear to vanquish my demons

I use my body to create a better world

I use my mind to visualize my dreams

I follow in the footsteps of admirable heroes

The trails they’ve blazed guide me when I’ve strayed

Words of wisdom remind me that it will be ok

More than ok, my life is great

I am made of true grit and fire-tested strength

I am sound in mind, body and spirit

I am a healer because I was wounded

All healing is within you

Amidst the fog and noise, find clarity through action

Coping

If I ever have children (if my body can forgive me for a lifetime of multifaceted abuse), I hope to give them a more robust and diverse repertoire of coping skills than the ones my parents left me

Instead of beginning and ending with cheap alcoholism and angst, I hope that my children draw from a complete rainbow of abilities

Mindfulness and movement; may they know the sweet depths of meditation, may they return to the present moment through gentle awareness again and again, and may they bathe in the ecstasy of a daily movement practice such as yoga, qi gong, tai chi, or wild freestyle dance, may they know that peace is always a breath away.

Contact with nature: may they be blessed with the sight of many sunrises and sunsets, may the sky fill their eyes and their lungs; may they have nature in their hearts and in their homes and may they submerge themselves in forests for sanctuary.

Interconnectedness: may my children know that they are loved unconditionally; may they connect with loved ones regularly, may they feel safe and supported in this world. May they draw on ancient wisdom and allow space for new realizations. May they feel both one in a million and a million in one.

Humility: may my children not overburden themselves with pressure; with realistic expectations may they wander more easily through life, may they balance unhelpful thoughts with helpful thoughts, may they rise up for an eagle’s eye view from time to time, especially during trying times.

We are all children at our core. May we know all of these blessings and more.

In the Shower

In the shower I see

One leg shaved smooth, the other hairy

I finally appear as non-binary on the outside as I feel on the inside

Though I doubt that I will ever feel safe enough to tell anyone outloud

At least in the shower, I stand proud

This is all of me

Womanly Body

I move my womanly body- sway my hips, shake my coccyx

‘I’m dancing like a little girl’ I judge myself half-jokingly

I once again feel like that terrified child- the skinny, shy girl of my youth. I tell myself that I am safe now, even if I don’t believe it

Back in the now; I am a full-grown woman in the prime of her life, albeit a late bloomer

Practicing gentle loving-kindness towards self, cultivating vibrancy

My uterus is a powerful creative cauldron, and I’m due to brew up something magical

In a flash I am an elder, a medicine woman with a wrinkle on her face for each hard-won ripple of wisdom

Knitting in a rocking chair on my porch, with a subtle smile and a twinkle in my eye

Though I do not yet have a rocking chair, nor do I know how to knit

Perhaps I should learn how to knit

No- I knit words instead of wool

Though what I want to impart to future generations is beyond words

I do not know if my body will live to the elder age of my imagined older self

Lord, let me not take my life or health for granted

Lord, be with the hurting children

May they survive their childhoods to heal themselves and serve as beacons of hope for the hurting

We are all hurting

I embody hurting and healing in my womanly body

Song in My Heart

I have a song in my heart

I sing it when we are apart

When you are near

I am silenced by fear

I want to sing you my song

What happens to my voice

Is it even a choice

I want to believe that I am free

All I can do is try to sing to you

I have a song in my heart

A song like the wind that blows clouds apart

The sun shines for all

Remember this next time your heart falls

You have a song in your heart

You’ve had it from the start

You have a song that beats all day long

In the quiet of the night you can hear it

If you listen to the song in your heart

I feel the rhythm in all

Magnolia

Who lied

Was it you or was it I

When was that lie

Was it white like the magnolia blossom

Take a sip from that sweet cup

Drink it up

Like you drank down those sweet lies

Who lied

Was it you or was it I

Did you even feel me by your side

Or was it your desire that caught us on fire

And burned truth before our eyes

The Color of Fear

I visualize fear in my body- a pale yellow space in my abdomen where my third-chakra should be. Fear is the hole through which the wind blows; the whims of others buffeting my core unapologetically as I give my power away with barely a hesitation.

I breathe into this space not to exhale my fear, but to join my breath with fear and thus transform fear into power.

The yellow acquires rich undertones and depth as it ripens and becomes full-bodied. My insecurity becomes my empowerment. My fear is my friend, not my foe.

I feel my strength take form, self-protection armed with experience, primed to use fear as fuel

Though I fail every day at saying no, I keep trying

I do not retreat from the world

Though I have not yet put words to my fear, I study it

My frozen mouth thaws around radical words like:

My feelings matter, my health matters, my time matters, my sleep matters, my sense of safety matters

I soak up the golden yellow light, burn some sage and turn the page

She

She scratches her secrets on the dark side of the moon

When she bends her bones she can make any man swoon

Old habits die hard but she is learning to live softly

She sweeps fear away with thoughts large and lofty

She dreams of peace for all and peace within

She drinks from the oasis hidden in the desert of her skin

Only she knows the truth she has lived

Darker than the night sky

Are the ripples held between her thighs

She hides them deeper than the sea’s sigh

Dredging up salt with her tears cried

She sees beyond the sight of man’s eyes

Her blood is her sacrifice

The fire in her heart melts ice

If you think this rhyme is simple like plain rice

Just come closer, you can taste her spice