Shipwreck

I walk the lonely beach which holds the shipwreck of my ego

Despondent, grey, cold, wet

I feel innately flawed because you are once again upset and it is my fault, or so you would have me believe

All these years I was so overwhelmed by your feelings that I didn’t get in touch with my own

I was so busy internalizing your complaints that I didn’t externalize mine

Old habits

The ringing in my ears doesn’t stop

I pick up a small shell of divinity and hold it close to me

I hear eternity

The sound of All melting into All

One endless sea

Gloomy Sunday, I feel sad and uneasy, afraid of the future

Seasick even on land

Disoriented by the drama of my mother’s recent disownment of me

So far the future has been more bearable than the past, even with occasional outbursts from my family which are reminiscent of my hellish childhood

I am no longer that helpless little girl

I am the captain of my ship

Repairs are in order

First, I sit on the shore and listen