It was the perfect storm

I was trained to be cute, sweet, polite, considerate, generous, charming

To smile, to be physically fit yet seductively feminine,
to carry a conversation that made those around me feel at-ease, with never too long of an awkward silence and never a word to question or confront the person before me

I was trained to look fresh and smell like a flower,
to say yes

I was trained to not listen to my body, not speak my truth, not honor myself

I was trained to put the lavish wants of others before my basic needs

I learned to disassociate from my body every time it was violated

Too early and too often it was violated

Outward I smiled and said yes, while I silently I screamed within- a deafening din

Time after time, girls, boys, women and men did horrific things to my body- looked at me, touched me, prodded me, left their bodily fluids in places I couldn’t see

Though I was dying to, I didn’t say no, not out loud at least

On top of my disempowerment, I was impoverished

So of course I became a prostitute- it was the perfect storm

My childhood sexual abuse left me well-trained to be an escort, a sex worker

Pleasing others came naturally to me- it was easier to me than breathing

Even though I was disgusted

It was all I knew how to do

When an advertisement on Craigslist sought out cute, easy-going girls and promised to pay a wage that would allow me to both pay rent and buy food, of course I replied- I was the perfect candidate for that job

I reached rock bottom and crawled out when I could afford to-
I quit all my call-girl jobs: 4 different body-rub ‘happy ending’ massage parlors, and too many gigs in the houses of disturbed men

Although I still attract toxic situations into my life, my situation is infinitely better now, the skies are clearing and the future looks bright

Now when I do home visits or see male genitalia, it is in my work as a physician.
I have gathered hard-earned skills which pay my bills, and best of all-

I feel my heart blossom open after a long, harsh winter

The glow from my spirit is melting the love that was frozen within me- love for myself and for all beings

I salute the sun

I exhale

And bow in gratitude

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s