33

33

I am 32
33 is about to strike
like a midnight clocktower,
An electric orchestra
Amped all the way up
Poised to play a single sobering note
I feel the reverberations
Echo around my cervix

33, I’ve never been married
33, no kids either
33, with a track-record of more partners
than I would’ve liked
They didn’t hear the ‘No’ within my silence
I wear their smashed egos on a string
Around my warrior-goddess neck

33, count the broken hearts I could’ve saved
if I’d gotten married years ago
Or if I could be satisfied
Sitting quietly alone
Or if men could be satisfied…
But let’s not get too radical too soon
Few flowers open to the moon
But I know the scent of the ones that do

33, I wonder if I’m missing the boat
Or if I am afraid to admit
That I am happily floating
on a raft of my own creation
Wherever I want to go

33, Pushed and pulled
By societal pressures
And internal biology,
Those selfish hand-me-down genes
That try to pull and push their way through me

33, visualizing myself with each potential partner
From my collection of current contenders,
Everyone gets a turn in my imagination
There is always a pack of dogs barking up my tree

My Tree…
My tree wants to be free,
to blossom for it’s own pleasure
And yes that is a pro-masturbation allusion
Men: it is never as good with you as it is with just me
My tree doesn’t need a dog to mark it as territory
My tree does not like to be barked or whined at
My tree can just be a tree and that’s enough
My tree is almost 33

At night the winds of loneliness and doubt howl around me,
Threatening to uproot me and swallow me whole
Should I search for love?
Will that put these hungry winds to rest?
Isn’t contenting myself with myself the more worthwhile challenge, the more beautiful art?

33 is calling me
I’m not sure what it wants
I scowl in the face of it’s howling
I tell it to let me be
Go blow over some other tree,
My tree is strong and at peace

Rooting deep down,
My branches reach ever higher.
My trunk thickens as my movements slow.
This is what it feels like to really grow.
I thought I knew,
Back when I was a seed blowing in the wind.
Now I know what I didn’t know,
As I add my 33rd ring